I feel like such a horrible person this morning.

Two Mormon missionaries came to our door last night and we had a talk with them. They were very nice, but obviously we just have different theology. We talked a little bit about the history of the church. It was a nice interchange and then they were on their way. I woke up just feeling so strongly that we should have brought them in the house and gone through the tenants of the Christian faith with them and said a prayer. I have a New Beginner's Bible that I was just going through for one of the men in our Tuesday group and didn't even occur to me. Even at the time, I was praying that the Holy Spirit come through, but I wasn't listening for the Holy Spirit's direction. I was just talking and I woke up feeling horrible.... like I want a second chance.

Other than that, I have so much to update on. And perhaps I will come back and do so.

I am in a weird place this morning, but still so grateful to be alive.

All the best,

Francine

So... I'm struggling a bit this beautiful morning.

I believe the last time I wrote you was Thursday morning. I had a lovely day, spent most of it studying. The session with my kiddo went well. I had time to go through and organize his binder (which I love doing!) Got home, studied a bit, wasted a bit of time and then went to take my final. I took the entire final and then when I pressed submit - TECHNICAL ERROR!

I was very worried. Since I waited until the last day, this potentially meant that I would have to take the class again. I started to get teary eyed, but fought away the tears. It was Oscar's birthday and I was so proud of him all day. It felt wonderful!! I put on a happy face for him, called all the people I was supposed to call and then waited until the morning for the school (based on the East Coast) to get back to me.

6am Friday morning - I was on the phone calling the school. I found out that it was not only a technical error, but also user error. Since I started the exam 8:30pm my time, I finished after 11:59pm their time. Typically, they keep it open an extra hour for this reason, but the server must have skipped. I emailed who I was supposed to email explaining my guilt and hoping for a chance to retake the test, optimally, or pay the fee again and test out of the course so I do not need to take it again. I was graced with a second chance. I took the test again and this time it went through. I passed the course (no grades, just pass/fail) and I get to move on to the next one.

This ordeal was so eaxhausting for me. I was struggling not to feel incredibly defeated before I got my second chance and after taking the test a second time I had an intense headache. I took a nap, which is atypical for me and slept for hours. In fact, I slept for almost three hours. My mom woke me up (by calling). She wanted me to do an informal background check for a person she was considering hiring for Grandma. I did quite a bit, then got off the phone. I made Oscar dinner in zombie mode and then waited for him to come back. He returned 45 minutes later than initially quoted with Jason at his side. I always love seeing Jason. He has been a great friend to Oscar and is a very kind individual. I welcomed him into the home and tried not to excuse how messy the house is (because I know his is always messier and he doesn't mind). Oscar gave me a hug and a few kisses and told me he would be going out with Jason tonight - no dinner. (He took me out for breakfast though, I had the most delicious salad).

Anyways... off goes the man of my dreams with friend. I eat the dinner (so delicious, soba noodles w/ sauteed shrimp, zucchini, tomatoes, onions and a little teriyaki sauce). I still am just not myself. I thought I would go to sleep right away, but stayed up watching a show called Monk. It wasn't particularly enjoyable, although I do enjoy the show.

Oscar was wonderful and kept updating me via text as to when he would get home. He comes home so happy. I am still in zombie mode (amazingly!) He starts to tell me about his day. It turns out Jason's old girlfriend, Edith joined them for dinner. I am jealous and spiteful and ask why he didn't invite me to come. We are in bed chatting at this time. I reflect (out loud) on the fact that he never invites me to hang out with his friends and I wish that he wanted us to all hang out together. He says he is fond of his friends and doesn't want to share. (I think there is truth in that and there is nothing wrong with him needing guy time). Still, I lament that I'd like to hang out as a group some time. He makes a comment which sounds nice on the outside, but is meant to be hurtful about how many friends I have. (I am guessing I pushed too hard about wanting to be included and got to a deeper issue with both of us). I move my body away from him on the bed - no more cuddling - and do not respond. He asks if he can come over to where I am and I say no and that he hurt my feelings. I then ask him if he can sleep on the sofa. He goes. I ask if I can take the pillow and he just gives it me.

I want him to say sorry. I want him to say no, he needs a pillow. I want him to give me a big hug and cuddle. I regret saying no and kicking him out of bed, yet I drift off to sleep very quickly.

I wake up to Oscar singing and being happy. I still do not feel happy, I feel hurt. We have a nice morning interaction, however. I can't even figure out why I feel so hurt. I am trying to get some perspective. I want him to say sorry, but he did not. He is working and I am at home cleaning and listening to the song, "so you had a bad day" and just trying to figure out why this is such a sore spot with me.

Oscar wants to go down to San Marcos today and drive back tomorrow. I was going to go with him, but now I am unsure what to do.

And I have a UTI. I tried to treat minus medicine, but it's not working all the way (so, uh, things married people do have been a bit off limits. Also I don't feel like being sexy. I blame Oscar a tiny bit for the UTI which is irrational and for not having medical insurance). I am hoping I'm going to get my period soon - that would explain away my moody-ness. I have a feeling Oscar needs to have sex.

My guess is that Oscar will come home and apologize and my mood will improve dramatically. I will clean the house before I go. I think I am hormonal and may feel off canter for a bit. I just have to control those emotions and just watch that I don't say anything hurtful. I will go down to San Marcos, go to the beach and then go to Angie's going away party. I'm going to continue my home UTI treatments and if its not better by Monday go to the doctor. Also maybe I'll give Oscar something in the marriage department. I think the key is shifting my mindset off of "me, me, me" That helps.

All the best, world!

~ Francine

Sensational! I feel exuberantly joyful on this wonderful morning. It is the morning of my husband's 25th Birthday!

He is a quarter of a century. I wanted to get him a balloon that said, "Over the Hill," (as a joke of course), but the only one that the store had late at night was deflated, and I didn't feel like driving across town.

I feel like it is Christmas morning. I woke up early and wrapped an assortment of odd gifts for that husband of mine. I will post a picture later. It looks pretty cute!! From now on all my close friends are getting ACTUAL gifts on their Birthday, no longer just calls or flowers. I adore this feeling!! Everyone should feel special on their bday. I wrapped a book my mom sent from Amazon, a package of rice, an 8 pack of Hansen's soda and a coffee mug from his favorite local coffee shop. Atop the pile of presents is a mini balloon (made for flower bouquets) and a photo card printed at CVS Photo.

Wow! I just had a huge adrenaline rush. phew. I think I'm going to go back to sleep, lol.

On another note yesterday was a beautiful day. I've been having so much energy to clean in the morning and none at night, so it's not the best pattern, but I've noticed it doesn't really take much effort to whip the house into shape each morning (hate that expression by the way)

So yesterday morning, I tidied up, vacuumed the upholstery and washed/dried/put away the laundry. After that I got ready for my day (despite the fact that it was already 11:30am.

My mom called me crying about my Grandma. My grandma is needing so much more support these days. She is mentally with it most of the time, but is getting really confused when she first wakes up and when she suffers from UTIs, which seems to be a continual thing. Her last UTI really took a lot out of her. She ended up going to the hospital and lost a lot of energy. My mom had someone coming every day of the week before for several hours each day, but it wasn't enough. Every time something happens with my grandma (she slips out of bed and doesn't know how to get up or once her foot fell asleep and she didn't know what to do), she presses her lifeline. This used to happen once every six months or so, then once every few months and the last couple weeks it has happened several times. After the hospital visit (just last weekend), my mom has been paying a service to send someone out all hours of the day. She is just so exhausted. She doesn't have the money to pay for that and my Grandma has made it clear to everyone that she does not want to go to an assisted living home. My mom feels absolutely horrible "making" her go to a home, but doesn't want her to get hurt. The doctor and nurse gave my mom a lecture when my Grandma was at the hospital.

My mom is extremely involved, it is just that my Grandma is stubborn and fights her caretakers when it comes to taking baths. Most of the time (outside of sickness and just waking up) she is smart and logical, but physically she is struggling. Everything is an effort. Hopefully, my grandma will warm up to the idea of a home. My mom would be able to visit her almost every day because it will be close to her and we will get to see her more often as well because we visit San Marcos so often. My mom said she found a place that looks promising with beautiful greenery a private bedroom, bathroom and living area. She hasn't decided what to do yet, she is looking at live-in caregivers and different homes. Another option is for my mom to move up there.

I spent the next hour or so looking up different "Jobs Wanted" ads for live-in caregivers for my mom.

Then off to work I go. My kiddo needed to end early. Dr. Bill came and was in a surly mood (possibly because it was so hot). I got a stern word about not filling out a form I did not know I was supposed to fill out and some praise for my performance as a tutor. I was unhappy with this. I like it when people not only gush about my performance, but envision me in a higher position. Up until now I have seen that from him. My gut says he was having an off day and this will not reflect his opinion of me negatively. I hope I am right. I also crave more positive reinforcement, as I said....I prefer lavish amounts of praise! :) I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.

Post work, I picked up Oscar's Birthday card from CVS and came home to an unexpected nap. An hour and a half later Oscar gets home from work hungry. Half asleep, I make him food. He is tired. We had planned to see a movie. He waits until I do my hair, makeup and get dressed up and then tells me he isn't feeling it. I can't blame him for not wanting to go, but I was visibly disappointed. He felt badly. I felt better in a half hour and let him know. He went to sleep for the night at 9:30pm. I stayed up late doing everything BUT studying and eating for the "THE GAIN WEIGHT AND FEEL BAD" diet.

And now it's Oscar's Birthday. The cats are awake. Oscar's alarm has been going off on and off for the last half hour. I hope I can slip into bed again with him for a short bit before he awakes.

Have a wonderful day world! My husband is stronger, faster, more intelligent and more mature than he has been in his entire life. I can't wait until I turn 25 as well. Looking forward to the next chapter in our lives.

It is so much easier to write about yesterday than today - especially on a day where I need to get quite a bit done in the next 15 hours.

Ok, so let's go back in time. After transforming my 1br apartment from the hurricane mess it was to a neat and tidy sanctuary, Oscar comes home and puts the remaining clutter (his camping supplies) in storage. I work on answering my emails, transferring xanga's over and studying. Then off to work I go.

My kiddo was very excited to see me, but started getting ants in his pants for the last 45 minutes. I did a lot of work on writing new goals for him and cleaning up his binder. I'm not particularly satisfied with the deceleration of his attention span. I think it is due to new demands in waking up early for school though, and can only make changes to increase his comfort. I think I want to incorporate more Natural Environment Training for him.

Anyways, post work, I pick up some bread rolls and butter at food4less. I normally don't shop there, but had a pleasant experience. The bread was so inexpensive - perfect!! I overpaid for cut celery and carrots though, definitely could have done that at home.

I danced home in my car while eating those celery sticks and carrots. A sweet middle aged man laughed at me from his car. But.... life's a party, right?

Got home with quite a bit of things to do, but felt unproductive. I took the cats out for a bit, sorted through my mail and then tried to put a card together for Oscar's Birthday. I watched a few minutes of the show, "Switched at Birth." My mom's been wanting me to watch it. It has an actress I like in it, but I wasn't too captured.

Then off I go to Central Park. Tuesday's is when I get together with some people from church and do a potluck for the church members and homeless in the park. The man who was bringing some of the main ingredients was quite late and I had to leave early, so I didn't feel like I got all I wanted from the experience. I was disappointed because we were having a Bible study after food today too and I missed out. Also, a few of the regulars were missing - I thoroughly missed them.

We served salad with grilled chicken, craisins, walnuts and raspberry vinaigrette. Sides were bread rolls w/ butter and canteloupe. We got popsicles for dessert since it was such a hot day and soda and water for drinks. We were going to bring ice, but noone brought it.

They recently moved the picnic tables where we serve the food and I'm not as pleased with the new location. I feel like once we get the food, people spread out and it is difficult for me to know where to sit. I also feel like more people move on because of this instead of spending time to socialize with us.

I didn't even get to finish serving food before I left to attempt to finish making Oscar's card. Did not do that OR some of the other stuff I needed to finish - mainly from my own lack of discipline and underestimating how long it would take to do the card.

At 8:05pm, I arrive at Oscar's studio to videotape and watch the break dancing private lesson I booked for Oscar's 25th birthday present. He enjoyed it, but found it more difficult than he thought it would be. I think it was a disappointment overall (which is not that much fun for the gift giver). He said his thank you's though. I wanted to get out there and try it. It looked fun, but difficult. I don't know if I would have the balance or arm strength to do anything. He said he now knew what it was all about and was an experience. When we look back at 2011, I am sure we will remember it with joy.

It was a challenging day for me that began with a lot of promise. I struggled to stay focused on what really counts and keep a positive attitude. I did not do Bible study and I think that would have really helped.

Today will be a testing day. Hopefully I can stay focused. I have a lot of studying to do (as my final is tomorrow). Dr. Bill, the man administering my BCBA supervision is coming to observe my therapy session today and that's really all. I have no idea what I am truly worried about.

All the best, world!

~ Mrs. Sanchez

Good Morning World,

Let's talk Independence Day. I woke up fresh with lots of energy! I got a lot done around the house. It looked so spick and span and was truly neat and clean (not anymore - but we'll talk about that later).

By the time Oscar came home at 10:30am, I had worked out (a bit), done most of my chores, studied the Bible and had lunch prepared for him.

This man! He had the rest of the day off and was ready to use it. He is still in "after camping trip" infatuation with me. I got nothing done the rest of the day. It was ok because family is most important. Plus, I thoroughly enjoyed this! It was wonderful!! I got a little studying done, but not much. I exchanged some clothes at Nordstrom's Rack, BUT will have to exchange them again as Oscar did not like them very much.

What else? at 5pm was the Fastest Greenest Mile, so I dropped Oscar off at the start and went over to South Pasadena High School with a blanket, snacks and board games. Oscar did very well at his race, beating the time he was aiming for. He got 5:33:03 (my initial time was off two seconds). I got some great photos, but haven't uploaded yet. After the race Oscar still had so much energy! It was hot outside and barely anyone was there that early. I just laid down and relaxed while he cooled down. We played a romantic game of Scrabble (yes, it can be romantic) and around 7pm went to the food court to try samples and get something for dinner. Oscar got Peruvian food and cantaloupe agua fresca (reminds me that we want to go to Cusco next year if we get the money together).

I decided to eat a bell pepper salad that I brought and get a crepe for dessert. Oh my goodness, it was VERY good! It was great to see all the food tents making the food on the spot in the open air. Return to scrabble. I got busted by the POLICE for 1) wearing heels and 2) bringing in food - both no no's. We came in so early that noone was checking and although I guessed about the food, I had zero idea about the heels. The officer was very nice though and was fine with me taking off the heels and hiding away the food.

At around 8:30pm, our friend Joel came. He got there just in time for us to pack up our stuff and lay down for the fireworks. They were a beautiful display with narration similar to San Marcos'. I videotaped the ENTIRE thing, I doubt I will want to watch it again..........BUT, you never know. The first time Oscar asked me out was after 4th of July, so it is a special Holiday for us. We have had wonderful 4th of July's (save one) ever since.

Right after the fireworks ended, people pack up and head for the door. We were quick and returned home with Joel. Oscar made everyone a margarita and we played cards (Egyptian) until almost midnight. I was a fool and did some gymnastics. Oscar was walking on his hands at the school and I did a hand stand, went into a bridge to catch myself and then went up from there. It didn't hurt me, so I felt false confidence. Last night, Oscar wanted to show me off, so I did it again at home and a front hand spring. He video'd it and it looked great, but late last night, I was feeling pretty crippled with pain. It doesn't hurt when I sit up straight and do not move much. Anyways, this is a good reminder that I just can't do that again. I really hurt myself.

Moving on... The night was a lot of fun. It was romantic and we both feel so much pride in this country where individuals and government fight for "liberty and justice for all."

Truly.... "God Bless America"

PS. Oh and as for the house, it looks like little elves came in over night and got pleasure from tearing it apart. I didn't clean up before retiring last night and it's just a disaster scene. Oooh the work of a homemaker is ongoing.

LOVE TO ALL!

~ Francine

Ooh, I am glad to be back. Sunday was just a lovely day.

I continued with my xanga transfer, housework, studying, Hawaii planning and Monk. It just felt wonderful to get all my cleaning done. I hand washed lots of clothes (something I haven't done for a while) and just felt industrious and satisfied.

I also took the cats out yesterday. I love leaning back on the stairs and soaking up the sun. I saw every neighbor that I socialized with yesterday and all the older ones acted as if we now shared some type of secret.

I washed strawberries, stayed on my "HEALTHY LIFE DIET" and waited for Oscar to return with tired joy.

Speaking of my husband....

My fears are relieved. These days apart were wonderful for our relationship. Even an insecure Francine could see the blatant joy Oscar had upon seeing me. He obviously missed me very much. His kisses were even different. We laid down and he told me detail by detail everything that I had missed over the weekend. His eyes did not leave me and even when we went to sleep, he wanted to cuddle (even though it was a very hot night).

What a wonderful evening!

The morning began just as joyfully. Oscar's movements woke me up around 5:30am. I was groggy, but happy to reset my schedule to one beginning earlier in the day. Half asleep, I got up and made him his green smoothie. On Saturday I juiced 5 bags of oranges from my Mom's tree and froze the juice in foam cups (unfortunately environmentally unfriendly - it didn't occur to me until after the fact). I used a cup of froze orange juice, about 10 strawberries, 1 frozen banana and about 1 cup of spinach. It was a mellow smoothie, but delicious. I have not drank mine yet, but he went off to work with a great start.

I'm starting the morning with my Monday chores and a glass of hot lemon water. Mondays are typically my favorite day of the week and this 4th of July is no exception.

I'll be back tonight or tomorrow with patriotic gusto for my daily report.

One of my projects this weekend was to format my High School Xanga journals and turn them into a tangible product through lulu.com.

I wrote in Xanga on and off from November 2005 through June 2010. It is such a joy to be able to reflect on my day to day experiences as a teenager and young adult and inspired me to begin writing again on Blogger.

Today was out of the ordinary, to say the least. I am home on a Saturday for the first time in over a month, Oscar is not here and I stayed out socializing with my neighbors until 1am in the morning.

It was a wonderful day. I've been enjoying my alone time and honestly, wish it were a little longer. Oscar is camping with friends this weekend and has left me to organize the house and my thoughts. He has been so busy lately with work that he is a bit of a heartache for me. We used to spend time together every evening, but lately he gets home so late and only wants to read, which is typically a solitary experience. I am so busy making him food and cleaning up his messes, I just feel removed from the relationship. I feel irrationally needy because we are going on dates and we are both trying to do things so that we can connect better. I think I will suggest listening to audio books instead of reading separately in the evening. My gut feeling is that my "needy" feelings are legitimate. I know that this is how distance in a relationship begins and I do not want that to happen with us.

There is so much to write about in a single day. I am going to finish this posting in phrases only

Enjoying the sun....writing outside....25 things I've learned before I turned 25...... cleaning house..... squeezing oranges.......killing fruit flies.... feeling guilty about killing fruit flies..... studying for my final......watching Monk......doing laundry......planning for Hawaii...... sending Oscar pictures on the iphone....... Going over to Michael's after dinner.... hearing about his literal fight with his ex (she punched him).... hearing about drama..... talking with Melissa...... talking about $17,000 worth of art..... hearing passion regarding art..... driving Michael's friend home....... being publicly praised on attributes (such as being nice, etc.)...... being irked by that...... Grandma in hospital...... Grandma going to be ok.