Sanguine

Oscar likes to describe my disposition as sanguine.

That really has nothing to do with the rest of the post. :) I just wanted to write it out. As he learns more vocabulary words, he puts them to use and Sanguine is his favorite for me....

Yesterday was the funeral. Oscar and I were both dreading it. We had already done a lot of mourning and just wanted to move on.

It turned out to be another important part of the grieving process and, all and all, not as bad as I expected.

The saddest thing is that I am sure Oscar's dad would have loved for all those people to have been there when he was alive. Claudia (Oscar's oldest sister) did a wonderful job setting everything up. She had violinists play, ordered floral arrangements and got the same pastor who did their mother's funeral.

I was in charge of the slideshow and picture (18x24). My whole family came together to make it happen. My sister photoshop'd the picture and blew it up, her fiance Martin printed it for us at Kinko's. She helped me with the slideshow as well. My mom borrowed equipment from work and my Dad helped set it up. I was very proud of them and proud to be part of the Johnson family.

Oscar spoke, Claudia spoke and Oscar's little brother Danny spoke. My dad said it was the most emotional funeral he had ever been to. It was pretty draining and very horrible. I was very proud of the boys and Claudia. They did a wonderful job on their speeches. Danny said exactly what I needed to hear him say, "I don't know why my parents left me, but I know God has a plan for me." Oscar preached the Gospel. I think it was very cathartic for all of them. Claudia broke down during the slideshow and so did some of the other siblings. I had to do the end part inviting everyone over to Eli's for food and company.

I think I have not really had time to mourn the death of Oscar's dad as I would have if I was not trying to be strong for everyone. My goal for the funeral was not to mourn, but to make everything as easy on the family as possible.

After the funeral was food, soccer and more lightheartedness. Eli had set out tables and decorated them beautifully with white table cloths, flowers and pepper plants as favors. They had food catered, my mom brought drinks and Oscar played around like the biggest kid there. Seriously, they LOVE him. There is an ongoing game of (?) where the kids run away from Oscar screaming as he chases after them like a monster. He throws them ALL over his shoulder to spin them (including almost 12 year old Lorena who is almost as big as me now). It is fun to watch.

Danny brought a girl to the get together for the first time. Ooooh, that affected me. He is so grown up. She is beautiful, of course, and going to UCLA next Fall. We will see how long it lasts, but still exciting. I tried not to embarrass him too much, but HAD to ask her a few questions. One of the other cousins brought a girlfriend as well.

That was the gist of it. Oscar looked pretty handsome in his suit.

Someone who did something bad to him when he was a kid came to the funeral. I wanted to lock him up in jail. That's right. I thought of all the bad things I wanted to do with him, did I want to punch him (not at all), did I want to pour water over his head (yes, it occurred to me, but no), did I want to push him (no)..... I just wanted to have the police come and put handcuffs on him and take him to jail. Interesting, right?

Anyways, it was a day. We are moving on.